Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Yours Truley,

I have a few funny (read: pathetic) notes from my childhood but none of them involve calling a hit out on some kid who's name I can't even spell. As the author so humbly pointed out to me, "there really isn't one un-noteworthy part about it."
My favorite part are the fabulous flowy "L's." I feel these really conveyed to Will the seriousness of getting the super soakers to "a kid" in the event of the author's untimely death.
Clearly, Micheal was in for some shit.

Patchwork President

This is brilliant.
And even though I usually love nothing more than to hear the sound of my fingers (which are now heavily bandaged from two hours of envelope-stuffing) typing, I think I've lost too much blood to give this the set-up it deserves.

Orympic Dreams

Apparently Michael Phelps got paid $100,000 dollars to swim laps during a party in LA.

The hosts must have been pleased with his work, because nothing says "Good Job" like a firm, open hand slap on the crotch tattoo.

Friday, October 24, 2008

It's True.

I was once arrested for light treason.

The Homeland Security Act prohibits me from further comment but I can say it involved Fidel, a moose, a skeet range and a "lost" episode of Punk'd.

I may look like I don't care, but I do. Lightly.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Not now, Sally. Mommy has a headache.

Today I recieved my first raise at work! I am now teetering dangerously on that fine line between poverty and being accountable for paying taxes.

I must admit, though my raise isn't terribly huge it is really great to get affirmation for the work I do.

My new goal is to make as much as Don Draper did. The flat rate he made in 1963 is about twice what I make per annum now...and I am certainly not taking inflation into consideration. Fuck, I can't even count that high. Which may explain the discrepency in our company vaule...

Oh Don, you win. You always do.


Thanks to the Maizlish family being so awesome that they BOUGHT Hanson tickets (and then subsequently -or foolishly- decided to stay in for the debates), I was able to bear witness to the concert of the year.

During my early teens, weekends were spent conducting "Polaroid Hanson Photo-Shoots." We would line up in front of our endless supply of posters and pose, hair in face, scowl in place. The great part was that between the grainy picture quality and the long dirty blonde hair, it was almost impossible to tell the difference between, say, Kaitlin Isennock and Zach Hanson.

(Kaitlin? Zach? What? Who?)

Sadly, things have changed. Kaitlin looks far less like a boy and Zach is now, like, a dude with a family a wife and chubby drummer arms. Taylor is still the hot one, Isaac is absolutely the Stephanie Tanner of the group and the rest of their siblings are still living in shame in their parents basement.

(Time has been good to you, Hanson.)

Anyboyband, I was incredibly excited to see this little nugget from the past. They are actually pretty great musicians and though they are uber-christian you don't really hear it in their songs. Also, Taylor totally said "DAMN" onstage and I checked and Jesus said "that shit ain't cool, man."

Maybe Hanson is more legit than we all thought.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Young cigar smoker at Baltimore Marathon - m4m - 29 (Raven's Stadium)

Date: 2008-10-11, 12:52PM EDT
About 11:45AM Saturday outside of Gate A Ravens stadium, sitting there smoking a cigar, shorts, white shirt, sunglasses, 5'oclock shadow, young guy - very handsome. Caught my eye and I nodded. Very nice to see another young cigar smoker in town. This isnt really a missed connection as we didnt really connect but definitely very handsome. Not expecting a reply back but just giving a shout out. What kind of hat were you wearing? Would love to grab a coffee and have a cigar with ya! What kind of cigar were you smoking. Love Excal #1s or 1066s here. Also enjoy pipes as well as cigars.
Location: Raven's Stadium

It is unfathomable for me to think that this post could have very well gone unnoticed; lost in the abyss that is Craigslist Missed Connections. I realize that I have, on occasion, written faux ads meant to provoke and titilate my friends eager to check back in with fate...but I do solemnly swear I DID NOT WRITE THIS. (Though I will admit it is taking a lot for me to not respond on behalf of our dear cigar-smoking friend.) I have never met anyone who ACTUALLY had someone take the time to reach out and post a plea to the gods of random intervention. The only unfortunate part is that our aforementioned stogie-smoker is more the type to answer to a w4m ad, and has no evident interest in m4m. or m-on-m.

I fear I will now spend a lot more time on missed connections... cheekily writing some, sure...but my real perogative will be to play a romantical watchdog: sitting at my desk, roaming the internets, looking for familiar descriptions on behalf of my friends who may have missed their chance at love.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

One is the Lonliest Number...

...which is why this blog requires two authors. In no particular order they are:

Maureen. Small. Spry. Spicy.

Megan. Askew. Aroused. Awake.

We welcome you to our newest endeavor. Seeing as this is the greatest procrastination tool to come out of the internets, I have to imagine there will be several bi-locational updates every day. Enjoy...assuming anyone is out there.