Friday, February 27, 2009


The ol' carpal tunnel is acting up again so I am in no mood to type. I have to save my dexterity for sewing the accoutrement onto my totally awesome Snuggie for tomorrow's Snuggie Bar Crawl. I will leave you with the following link. It was was well-received among those who I already sent it to, but will haunt your dreams.

It has also inspired me to use the power of scaring the shit out of people once I finally (dear god please) break into the ad industry. HumptyDumpty's image in the first commercial is forever burned into the insides of my eyelids. That's just good marketing.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I Call Bullshit

Train Horn

Created by Train Horn

Apparently only people under the age of 25 can hear the sound on this site. I call bullshit. If you are over 25 and can hear it, please let me know. If you are under 25 and can hear it, I don't care because you're supposed to be able to anyway.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Hi Mat!!!

The Best of Craigslist has crippled my productivity at work.

Read how this to see how some chick tried to cripple this dudes life.

I Want to Go to There

This guy built his house in a cave. The economy is making him move. Discuss.


Finally! Atlantis has been located. Some limey Brit google mapped Atlantis and fucking found it. If I had known it was that easy I could have canceled my breath-holding sprints, trident duels and online oceanography courses years ago.

Here is the link to see the Liquid City for yo'self. I apologize in advance for the inconvenience, but you may have to switch the view to satellite and scroll a bit to the left. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to unearth the world's greatest water-logged hood.

(it's just north west of Los Llanos and Santa Cruz...but you didn't hear that from me.)

Friday, February 20, 2009

Must Be the Money

When I was just a young preaser my family had a funky mountain house in CarbonDale, PA. My weekends were spent skiing, playing in the snow and forcing my younger cohorts to act in the plays and "situationals" I had written/created.

All of this changed when, at the tender age of 16, my father's stock broker and his sons came up for the weekend. Late bloomer that I was (am?) I was terrified, shocked and annoyed by this sudden installment of age-appropriate testosterone. Anyway, one of them tried to kiss me in front of my brother and sister, and then spent the weekend "rapping" Nelly's "Ride Wit Me" from the ski lifts. As a result of this, I memorized the song.

Many moons, serenades and boys later, I stumbled across this rendition of that fateful song. It's pretty amazing, and had this gentleman crooned it to me and not butchered it with his upper-middle class whiteboy beats, maybe things would have turned out differently.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Eating Pepper and Chips

This made me laugh so hard I started crying at work and then burped really loud and wasn't even embarrased about it. In other news, I post an alarming amount of kitten-related shit on here.

Hey Jude

On Monday I was invited on a tour of the 8th Wonder of the World:" Maryland's official Beatles Museum. It is in my friends house, and though I had popped into the shrine in 8th or 9th grade, it was infinitely better to experience a guided tour as an adult.

The museum boasts Beatle bobble heads, lunch boxes, rare albums, countless books, photographs and other crazy memorabilia and artifacts. Frank (the curator/ my friend's dad) even held a birthday gala for himself in the same room Lennon stayed in whilst he played Baltimore in the early 60's.

Beyond the awesome and bizarre stuff in there, it was really cool to see someone's lifetime passion so tangible. I mean, I guess he likes his kids and all and has put some time into them, but walking into that room is like stepping back in time. Everything is chronologically arranged and well-preserved, and whether you don't know much about the Beatles but dig them (like me) or your iTunes is riddled with 14 versions of "Sargent Peppers'" (like my date for the evening) you can appreciate the effort put into the space. You also learn a LOT about the band that you never knew you never knew, such as John Lennon's middle name, which happens to be Winston.

Here's the 02/09/09 Tour Group posing in the shrine:

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Arctic Unicorns Indeed

Go here to see these crazy-ass whales swim through ice. Special thanks to my Canadian friend for reminding me about our neighbors to the North.

Also, the narrator is not kidding around. "NARWHAL."

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Second Place is First Loser

Mister Patrick James Nolan is back with a guest brog about the upcoming Oscars. He lives in LA now, so he knows better than you.

With the Academy Awards approaching faster than the opening of Paris Hilton’s orange legs, I find myself being wholeheartedly swept up into all of the pre-show tomfoolery. I have seen most of this year’s nominated films, and can make good conjecture as to what the others are all about. For instance, I saw The Reader (FUCKING BRILLIANT), but did not see Changeling (thank jeebus). Kate Winslet is easily the best actress of our generation, and one of the greatest of all time. Angelina Jolie, on QUITE the other hand, is not. If I wanted to pay $12 to see her chewing scenery to a bloody pulp in period costumes I would watch the epically horrific Original Sin. However, I WOULD pay millions to see, yet again, her cunty prune face in the audience when Winslet has yet ANOTHER win*. And I hope this time my girl Kate forgets to thank her haughty ass, because Angelina Jolie as Oscar-nominated actress makes me feel violent. Dear Angie Jo- stick to playing overdosing lesbian supermodels and crazy bitches in 1960s looney bins- it’s what works.

*Adding insult to injury, Kate Winslet almost forgot to thank Morticia-Addams-cum-heroin-addiction nee Angie Jo at the Globes, and the facials were nothing short of PRICELESS.

This Is Why I Hate The South

I was alerted to this website today, and although it features the amazing, unparalleled Turbaconducken, the site is fucking gross. And embarrassing. I spent some time in the deep south, and when I wasn't crying (seriously) I was staring at 300lb babies shoving fried Snickers bars into their gaping, drooling pieholes, gizzards a-quiver.

Call me a Yank, but I'll stick to Diet Water.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Well Done Sully

I haven't watched the whole clip yet (or even played it with sound) but I kindly put it on here for your enjoyment. Because obv it's nowhere else on the web. And even if it were, you wouldn't see it. Because this is the only brog you read. So, so loyal.

(also, Katie, your hair wants you to go back to NBC)

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Maybe I Deserved it...

I have been out with the most insect-ual of stomach bugs these past few days and have neglected many of my duties. These include, but are not limited to work, hygiene, cat feedings, gchatting and brogging. I also missed the aforepromised Disney on Ice. (and I hear I missed a good fist fight during intermission.)

Anygargoyle, I'm back at about 75% which is more or less homeostasis for me of late. I'd like to thank my family for giving me this bug and all the shivering, fever-induced hallucinations, vomiting and weight loss that accompanied it. I'd also like to thank them for giving me the genetic history to post this:

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Last night I had the honor of sharing injera and friendship with Messrs. Katie and Lauren. After a 1/2 priced Ozzy at Brewers we located the Room of Requirements and popped over to Dukem for some Ethiopian. I have simple tastes, so meat, bread, beer and no utensils is perfect. We each ordered Tibs (cooked cubes of beef or lamb) and which are then dumped onto a huge piece of injera and you just go to town.

I don't know if it was the Ethipoian beer or the Ozzy, but about halfway through our feast the meal turned into a preasebrog/ fake mole/ bingo daupper photoshoot. (Although, I'm now remembering a discussion about Lauren's WPOC videoblog fan, which likely spurred into a series of preasebrog fanphotos.)

After discovering Katie's new tattoo, we used similar placement and eyeliner to create the first look.

We had to negotiate around Lauren's "leaving-her-arm-in-one-place-for-too-long hives" but I think the over all effect is pleasing.

Shameless prease prug II implemented mixed media: Green bingo daupper, Ethiopian headdress and eyeliner. It was at this point in the night that Lauren dropped the Disney AllStars on Ice bomb (which we will be attending- FOR FREE- this Thursday.) I kind of hate Disney (the people, not the princesses and shit) and I have an irrational fear of all things in costume. I can only imagine that adventure will be as well documented as this one, so stay tuned.

We had a lovely time dining on African cuisines. And then,


Podunk V. Poland

This morning I googled "Pink Flamingo Lawn" to
procure images of the celebrated lawn ornament. (It was for work.) While a few of the fowl showed their brightly-hued faces, I was also met with the image above.

I'm usually not a fan of these black-framed, cleverly-captioned photos that keep popping up everywhere, but this one was unexpected and made me laugh. As I clicked back over to Gchat to share my newfound mullet with a friend, I found I'd been bested:

Game. Set. Match. We both sent our soldiers into war(well,unknowingly to each other) at the exact same time, and clearly mine lost.

They will win.

Monday, February 2, 2009

You Suck Phil

The worlds oldest rodent saw his shadow today, thus scientifically ensuring another six weeks of winter.

I don't know much about Groundhog's Day. I know that this photo is incredibly awkward, and that sometimes you have to relive the same day over and over to figure out who you really are, and that Andy MacDowell is the woman of your dreams.

Sunday, February 1, 2009