Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I haven't gotten any confirmation on this yet, but it appears to be a warehouse, filled with trampolines and foam pits, where you go and jump. All over.
This place is probably a feeding ground for things I am susceptible to like ringworm and the common cold but holy CRAP would I not care about contracting lice if I could just jump until my legs buckled beneath me and my heart pounded out of my chest.
Kaitlin, TAKE ME TO JUMPWORLD.
("Oh, hey, I'm at JUMPWORLD and you're not.")
After some pretty horrific and unfounded rumors that I ate cat food in my basement apartment in college, I am loathe to post anything about awesome delicious cats and the awesome ohmygodimsalivating things they do.
This may be the video of the year, and not just because I love fancy feast. I mean cats. It combines everything anyone would ever want to see- cats, Roombas, rap music, familiar images and video clips about cats, cat ladies, treadmills, cats doing things cats don't usually do...
I'll stare at you and then other things that aren't actually moving and scratch you in your sleep for rolling over on me if you don't think this is one of the best videos of 2008. That's how much I like it.
(thanks to baltimoreriotmuseum for letting me yank this clip and also for loving gangster kitties more than nerdy dogs.)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I guess the only thing I love more than a House marathon on TBS is a House bashing on the internets.
("Yeah guys, thats totally Cushings.")
Monday, November 24, 2008
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this masterpiece jumping from TV to film but the series ended far before its time and I'm greedy. I obviously wouldn't want to see a half-assed butchering of the show but if Ron Howard and Mitch Hurwitz are 100% on board it would be nearly impossible to taint my memories of the Bluths.
Given my deep affinity for the show, rest assured there will be updates as Bluth-related breaking news occurs. If this year ends up seeing a black president, a turbaconducken, a new High School Musical AND an Arrested Development movie, I'll give 2008 two thumbs up and free passes to Twilight.
Friday, November 21, 2008
I won't lie and say I'm totally disgusted by this. I know I'm supposed to rant and rave about how unhealthy everyone is, and maybe its the fat kid who lives inside my heart and digestive track, but I wouldn't mind giving it a whirl. And if I just lost my entire, enormous readership because of that admission then fine. Pass the fork.
I'll post the link here, so you can see the transformation through the decades.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
It's not because I'm lazy (okay maybe I'm lazy) it's just that I never felt that wild excitement of the open road. I've perfected the art of turning the back seat into a reading/napping nest on car trips, leaving the driver(ahem, chauffeur) to keep me safe from accidents as I lounge. If I do happen to stay awake, I spend most of the time either back-seat driving, not talking, or incessantly demanding that the occupants play car games with me.
When I get behind the wheel, I turn into a psycho. I'm a stickler for rules and laws and when they are not obeyed the wrath of Hell escapes from my lips. Having the propensity to curse like a sailor anyway, a jay walker or lane changer can expect a show of wild gesticulation and a crude, horrific series of curse words from the blond chick in the green Acura.
If I am on the phone with someone, they too can expect to be inundated with my carnal reactions. I shant repeat any of my special reserve curses here, but if you ever wish to hear them, give me a ring during rush hour.
I only bring this up because after a year in the professional world, I have my first driving commute. It's only been a week but already I'm frustrated, pissy and vulgar in the car. I used to listen to NPR to keep myself occupied but seeing as the world is slowly going to shit, their reports do nothing but fan the flames of my rage. Oh, you're going to cut me off while Lakshmi Singh calmly explains the financial ruin of the United States? No, it's fine, assface. Are you actually slowly walking across the street, outside of a crossing zone while I'm legally approaching at 30 mph DURING ALL THINGS CONSIDERED?!?!?!?!
Anyway, what was I blogging about?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
To fill the void, I've put up my own little episodal security blanket- Arrested Development. This is the beginning of my favorite episode so curl up, hunker down and imagine me staring at this without sound. (that almost rhymed.)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
As a fair warning, I'll put up just about anything containing images of Don Draper, the words "Mad" and/or "Men," or promises of scotch-drinking for lunch.
I think we can all agree things were a lot cooler before coworkers started bitching about "harmful cigarette smoke," and "slurring in front of clients" and "sexual harrassment."
Monday, November 17, 2008
Today my mind wandered to puns. Immediately after "pun," an image of Carrot Top popped into my head. Confused, I consulted Google, found the exact image that had just flashed through my head, and posted it here.
I had TOTALLY forgotten about Chairman of the Board. I can remember laying on our gigantic Patrick the Pup from FAO Schwartz, eating a jawbreaker and watching it on repeat. Not because it was good, but because it. was. always. on.
This startling memory spawned the creation of a new (completely unproductive)list.
Most Unforgivable Movie Titles:
1. Maid in Manhattan
2. Made of Honor (seeing a trend here?)
3. Octopussy (I know its a Bond film....but come on.)
4. Me, Myself and Irene
5. Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
6. Step Up 2: The Streets (okay, i actually love that title for its trickery, but it stays.)
7. Lucky Number Slevin.
8. The Beautician and the Beast (much like Chairman of the Board, I regretfully watched the shit out of this movie as a child.)
9. Snakes on a Plane (This movie has no poker face.)
10. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? (this title is self-serving, irritating and includes punctuation. If I die young, it will be from hating Tyler Perry .)
***After posting, another one came to me. I have a feeling this will happen for weeks to come.
11. Bride and Prejudice
12. Good Luck Chuck
13. Sister Act II: Back in the Habit
14. License to Wed
15. A Million to Juan
Friday, November 14, 2008
As anyone who doesn't live in Purdum, Nebraska knows, No on 8 protests are being held in all major cities tomorrow. Since we're on west coast time here in the bustling metropolis of LA, it begins at 10.30am. And what does that early start time entail?
Complimentary brunch on the buses that take the protesters from the infamous Abbey to City Hall. And like any good event, securing a seat on said transport requires reservations.
Moral of the story- Gays always do it better.
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
(For a more comprehensive analysis of things shitty people say, I send you here )
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Kevin Smith needs to pull the lobotomy stick out of his frontal lobe and start making GOOD films again. (We were meant to be entertained by Paris Hilton jokes, angry-black-wife jokes, poop jokes...) He basically held up a broken mirror to all Judd Apatow movies and re-filmed what he saw. (Anyone remember the pissed-off Indian boss from 40 Year Old Virgin? He's back playing the same exact character, opposite Seth Rogen.)
The only redeeming part came early with "The Mac Guy" playing a gay porn star. Which is infuriating because the mac guy playing a gay porn star should have been the worst part and instead it was the only time i laughed.
I'll end my rant here because this brog isn't about anger or movie reviews. My only intention was to get a few things off my chest about this crappy movie and to implore all of you to save the ten bucks you would have wasted on Zach and Miri and instead send it to me as a gift for awesome brogging.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
How to Bag a Democrat Election Day 2008.
As I think about the long wait ahead of me at the local elementary school, a more pointed cogitation thrusts its way past my desire for a change in that most oblong of offices- how can I pull the lever for democracy while simultaneously pulling the lever for my love life? Listed below are a few sure-fire ways to ensnare a bleeding-heart liberal:
1. While waiting in line, read any book by any Comedy Central political comedian.
2. Avoid socially-charged fashion from both ends of the spectrum, i.e. fur, hemp shoes, etc…
3. Wear your best smarty (NOT to be confused with Palin) glasses.
4. If confronted by a Conservative hate monger, engage them gently, until it becomes appropriate to whip off above-mentioned smarty (again, no Alaskan influence here) glasses and use them as a prop in your well-formed liberal argument (giving an exasperated “It just makes me sad” look post confrontation can be a crucial addition).
5. Time the exit from your voting cubby with that of your benevolent paramour- find a way to start a conversation, perhaps with something like, “Sarah Palin’s hair will certainly be deflated after tonight,” or “I hope Johnny Boy took his heart pills today.”
While these are not directions, they are guidelines. Feel free to add or subtract at will.
I thank Master Nolan for his contribution and urge you all to vote YES! to Amendment 7: Patrick James for Best Actor Oscar (or lover?) 2009.
It was my first time actually voting (in 2004 I was in Connecticut and absinteed that shit) and I was surprised by how intrusive the process was. I always imagined secluded booths constructed of corrugated wood and canvas curtains. I imagined whipping my curtain shut, chosing my candidate and then pulling some sort of giant lever that would alert someone, somewhere, that Megan Isennock had fullfilled her democratic duty, maybe to the tune of R. Kelly's "I believe I can Fly."
Instead, I found myself standing in front of a computer screen that was loosley nestled between two "dividers." Directly behind me stood other constituants, impatiently waiting in their long Precinct 24 line. (I was 23, bitches.) They were so close to me that one sneezed and I swear I felt my hair move from the germy impact. I didn't really care who saw me cast which votes (although I will not disclose that information on these holy pages,) I just hated that everyone knew how long it took me to read, decipher, re-read and finally blindly decide which pieces of legislation I wanted to change.
I'm pretty excited for my I Voted! sticker and to find out who won.