Dem Ravens take on the Gaynessee Gaytins this weekend (see what I did there?) and though I will be abroad, I'll be wearing my Heap jersey and drinking my rail vodka-spiked purple drink. I think we have a real chance of winning so long as Joe Flacco can keep his eyebrows pinned back. Statistically, most Quarterbacks throw incompletions or get sacked from Unneccesary and Irregular Facial Hair, resulting in a five yard penalty and endless ridicule. Should he stumble accross a HelloKitty hair clip or a professional waxer, we might just pull off the win.
[EDITORS NOTE: The thumbnail to this picture looked just like Flacco. Upon further review it appears to be Keanu Reeves but fuck it, it stays.]